Christmas used to be my absolute favorite holiday. Thanksgiving afternoon, I’d put on holiday music. December 1st all of my decorations went up. It was Christmas everywhere!
Then, in 2003, the girls’ dad and I decided our marriage was over, but we stayed together through the holidays for the girls. We put up a tree for appearances sake. I put out a few decorations, and went through the motions, hoping the girls didn’t notice my heart just wasn’t in it that year.
Since that year, Christmas has never held the same magic for me. I spent six Christmases with Brian and his family. That meant that I never decorated my place for the holidays, we always celebrated with them. Last year, I spent the afternoon with friends who understood just how difficult the day was going to be all alone.
Last week Sam and I went to the local library and I found myself looking for CDs to check out. (I am going to have a wicked music collection) and I found myself in the holiday music section. There were some of my favorites, Amy Grant, John Denver & The Muppets, Mannheim Steamroller, and a few new; Kelly Clarkson, Faith Hill.
I checked out four CDs that day, and took them home and promptly ignored them. It was enough they were in the house, I could work my way up to listening to them. I uploaded them to my phone, and earbuds in listened to them. For the first time in more years than I want to admit, the holidays hold promise of love and laughter. I am excited about Thanksgiving with Sam’s family, and Christmas with all the kids.
I met with my probation officer this week, and did all that was necessary to move. As of this week I am officially living with Sam. Life has a funny way of working out just when you start to believe it never will.