Happy Birthday Muri

Meredith promDear Meredith,

Since I have been blogging I have written you a birthday blog post every year.  In fact, it was such a big deal that Megan once asked me if I was going to remember to write hers.  I have celebrated your birthday in some way every year.

Except that last two years.  The last birthday post I wrote for you was your 16th.  It was also the last birthday I spent with you.  The past two have been too hard on me to think about, let alone share on the internet.  I’m in a much better place that I was before.  But this isn’t about me.

Today you are 19.  It’s hard to wrap my head around that.  It doesn’t matter than your brother is 22, today you are 19.   I could not be more proud of the person you have become.  I have always been proud of you.  If I am honest, I don’t believe I deserve to be your mom.  I failed you, and I’m sorry  And yet, in spite of everything I put us through, you are this beautiful caring, warm person who laughs loud and loves hard and forgives often.

I always knew the day would come that you would move away from me, and become your own person.  I always knew in my head that I would miss you, my heart was never quite ready for your absence.  I have had two years to get used to it.  I’m hopeful that will happen any day now.

So, today, on your 19th birthday I wish for you this.   I wish you happiness and joy, friendships that last through the years, inside jokes, and someone to keep your secrets.  I wish you a soft place to land when you fall, and comfortable place to call yours.  I wish you a love that surpasses all understanding, and dreams that come true.

Being your mother has been my greatest joy.  Happy Birthday Meredith.

Love,
Mom

About Becky

While control is an illusion, organization helps to manage the chaos of our lives. Becky was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2007. She has found that when her life and home are organized her bipolar mind is less manic. She shares her attempts at managing the chaos of living with her fiance and tweenage step-daughter, while trying to be a good parent to her mostly grown children who live 2 hours away.

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