My Final Appearance

Today is the day.  At 1:30 CST I will enter the courtroom to stand before the judge for the final time.  My attorney and I will tell the judge that I have met all the requirements asked of me.  And the judge will say I’m free to go.

I will turn and walk out of the courtroom, leaving the judge, my attorney and all of my legal issues behind me.

I will be done.  I will be free.

I remember very distinctly last summer, sitting in jail, listening to the stories being told and thinking “This is stupid.  I am way too smart and way too old to be doing this.” I had lost my job, lost my girls, lost family and friends, I had lost too much.  Just because I was stupid and irresponsible, and scared.

I decided then and there that I was never going back.

I have seen rock bottom, and I have reached my scary age.   It’s way past time to put on my Big Girl Panties and get my shit together.  This is just another hurdle cleared, another thing I can check off, and put behind me.

All that is left is the big stuff… I need a job… not just for the financial reasons, but for the mental health reasons. I need to feel productive, I need to have a purpose, something to do, somewhere to go.  I need to be back in the real world again.   I need to be normal.

One step at a time.



About Becky

While control is an illusion, organization helps to manage the chaos of our lives. Becky was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2007. She has found that when her life and home are organized her bipolar mind is less manic. She shares her attempts at managing the chaos of living with her fiance and tweenage step-daughter, while trying to be a good parent to her mostly grown children who live 2 hours away.

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