I have a question. No, please, hear me out….
When exactly did it make you a bad mother to admit out loud that “I need a break from my kid”?
I am not a mommy blogger. I am no longer a ‘mommy’ I am now Mom and that apparently is spelled A-T-M. But I read mommy blogs. A) Because there is an over abundance of them and B) there are few blogs written by moms of teens, or at least there is not a noticeable niche for them. (Note to self.. there is your corner of the internet, go forth and claim that unchartered territory.)
I read about Stay-At-Home moms, Work-from-home moms, Work-outside-the-home moms, single moms, married moms, new moms and pros (I’m not stupid, no way was I going to say OLD MOMS..DUH). And it seems there is an underlying theme. Society has deemed us horrible mothers if we are not dying to spend every single waking moment with our beloved children.
And I say, that is bullshit.
Before we were mothers, we were women
Before we had kids, we had our own lives.* We had jobs, friends, a social life, boyfriends, husbands, shopping, manis and pedis, movies, cocktails. We had me-time. Now, that’s not to say that we had to give all that up when the kids came along. There are plenty of moms who have jobs, and husbands, and friends, and shopping, and cocktails, and all of that. But society has made us feel guilty for stepping out and doing something for us. Without the kids. Having children does not mean exchanging the awesome you for the mom you. They don’t have to be mutually exclusive.
There is nobody else in our lives we are expected to spend every single minute of our lives with
We are not expected to spend all day every day with our significant other, with our friends, with our extended family, so why is it just because we gave life to this little person we have to be constantly tied to them? When and why did it become taboo to want to pursue your own hobbies, interests? Mothers are expected to push out a baby, and then give up their entire life to that child until said time that child can be safely ensconced in school for 6-7 hours a day. And even then, if you’re not a work-outside-the-home mom, you’re expected to be room mother, and field trip mom, and teacher’s helper mom.
Taking a break from the kids actually makes us better moms.
I think it’s good for us necessary for us as mothers to step away from the kids, and pursue our own interests. I’m not saying all day, or even every day. But it’s important to remember we are our own person. There is more to us than MOM. Remember when we were first dating and we fell in love hard with Mr. McDreamy and our entire life revolved around him? We thought about him eleventy billion times a day, tingled when our phone rang, checked our text messages every 3 seconds? And remember how our parents or friends told us “It’s unhealthy to be that attached to someone. You need to maintain your own life separate from him too”? Why should it be any different with our children? Trust me, the children will not hate us, and we will not be the worst. mother. in. the. world. if we leave the kids with Dad or Grandma for a couple of hours and go shopping or meet a friend for coffee, or get a mani/pedi once in a while.
Give yourself a break
Frankly, who cares what society says? Is society there helping with the crying, demanding, two-year old with the temper tantrums? Is society there watching Yo Gabba Gabba (Please tell me that’s what kids are watching these days… I don’t know) for the 80 billionth time? Is society there entertaining your child so you can take a shower in peace without having to explain to your curious child why your body looks different from daddy’s? Is society there changing the diapers, doing the laundry, cleaning the house? Is society there entertaining you? Preventing your temper tantrums? NO? Then tell society to keep their damn opinions to themselves. You’re doing the best you can, and if the house is still standing and the kids are still breathing at the end of the day then you’ve done a good job.
Now, have a glass of wine and relax.
*Yes, I understand this is a blanket statement and may not hold true for every mother out there. I can’t run around taking into account every single possible scenario. I’m busy trying to become a big deal.